I present to you….. The Finger.

Yes, ladies and germs, here is my daughter, in all her cuteness, with her finger buried up to its knuckle in booger surprise.  Frankly, as I watched her, slightly gagging and trying not to laugh my butt off, as she tried to scratched her brain, all I could think about was how many times I’ll be able to get her to empty the dishwasher when she gets older.  I also thought of how nice it will be to frame this one and give it to whomever she marries.

Am I bitter mom? No. Just because she decided my body wasn’t where she wanted to stay after all, after 22 hours of labor, and then blasted out of me like a rocket leaving me scared for life doesn’t mean I’m out for any revenge.

Am I a mean mom? No. Just because she’s now decided that the funnest thing to do is scream her ear piercing scream that echos across the bathroom walls like a bell wrapped around my head while she is sitting on the potty doesn’t mean I want to make her scream more as a teenager.

Am I a mad mom? No. (Ok, maybe a little. But only in the lunatic sort of fashion) Just because she’s 2….. 2…..2…. 2…. years old.  Do I need to repeat that again?  She’s 2!  But that doesn’t mean I want to drive her crazy as a teenager.  (Ok, maybe a little bit)

Nope. I am simply a humble mom, who has a plan to one day have her dishes done and possibly, just maybe, have someone else pick up the doggy poop in the yard.

That is all.

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But people please!  If you pick it…don’t flick it!

For those who don’t know what I mean, its where someone is digging for gold nuggets in their nostrils and come up with a gob of fools gold of which isn’t worthy of keeping so they choose to flick it in the general direction of the floor. The same floor that I might have to walk on and the same floor that I probably will drop something on because I have all the grace of a drunken monkey in a vat of whiskey.  And the same floor that my kid might just fall face first on. (Another gene passed on I’m afraid.)

Do I need to go on as to how disgusting that could be?  Because, really I could. I could go on and tell you about all the wonderful viruses that live in the noses of healthy people but spread with mucus and could make someone else very sick. But I shouldn’t have to.  You’re a grown up right? At least the person is who I watched with their finger jammed up to their knuckle who decided to flick their findings on the floor right in front of me.   I know you’re out there.  And in all probability you’re not reading this.  But I hope beyond all hope that your wife is.

Also, after you dig for your gold, hopefully with tissue in hand to contain your finding,  will you please not touch anything else with your contaminated hand?  Because that’s just nasty.  Think about it…..The next time a perfect stranger sneezes in front of you why don’t you just block their snot rockets with your own hand. Then slap yourself with it.

Mmm, K?

Thanks!

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