When I say that it I know it brings to mind all sorts of crazy times of your youth doesn’t it.  I know it does for me.  Hanging out down by the river as teenagers hoping to not get caught with our smuggled beer. (Sorry Mom and Dad but you had to know I wasn’t always wearing my halo.  But I survived it just fine.) Skinny dipping in downtown Austin in Zilker Park in the middle of the night. (Ok, I was still in my bra and panties… I have my limits and the water was FREEEEZING!) (Again, sorry Dad….Mom, I know you would understand.)  Or hair pinning around corners on Lake Travis with the Sheriffs department lake division on a call to a boating accident with possible drowning.   (At one time I had a lot of friends in the Sheriff’s department and got to go on a lot of ride alongs.  One day I’ll tell you the story about how I almost went into law enforcement.) (Why do all my crazy wild nights have to do with water? I’ll ask my shrink later about that one… Oh wait! I don’t have a shrink. I’ll ask my dog, he’ll know.)

All very crazy times in my life, and this newest episode rates right up there on the crazy scale.  But this one is definitely more befitting my age…. I guess… Is 35 too old to skinny dip?

Last night, while sitting in bed alone (hubby was hiding in his office), I start hearing this odd noise coming from my nightstand.  At first I thought it was just the same noise I’ve always been a little startled by which is the rustling sound of the power cord on my Iphone (which I’m glued to still at night) brushing up against the liner in my trash can.   I know, scary huh.  But this time it happened while I didn’t move.  I start thinking theres a big bug or something on the prowl, so I go on the hunt in my drawers.  I was stirring the drawer with a spoon, cuz I’m not touchin’ a bug, I brought it up for some nighttime yogurt eating. Exciting…I know.  But then I heard the noise in my bottom drawer.  Hence, I start digging in that one.  Nothing.  ???? Then I get the wise idea to remove the drawer completely.  Good idea…but OMG!!!!

There it was!!! The most massive, most disgusting, most beady eyed creature.  And he looked an awful lot like this:

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

In my mind he was as big as a cartoon street rat but in reality he was just your typical teeny tiny mouse. Cute by any kids standards.  Creepy and disease laden by adult standards.  BLEH!

And he was lookin’ at me. I had him trapped….Or so I thought.

Because, now I’m starting to wonder if he wasn’t truly the reincarnation of Houdini. Because one minute he’s staring me down and the next… POOF!  Can’t find him anywhere.

So I do what any normal person, and redneck gal, would do.  I go find my cat.  She’s a good cat.  I rescued her when she was very young and I think she replaced me as her momma.  She’s very dedicated to me.  Her only real quirk is if she gets wet she has to come running to me and start yowling till I dry her off. That and her tendency to bring me “gifts”. Her name is Krispie and she prefers to sleep under my neighbors bird feeders so she might grab herself an afternoon snack.  And she’s a great mouser.  So I knew she would save my bacon.

By this time my husband is also sitting in bed watching all this holding his tongue like a good man trying not to say anything while I shove my cat into the open space where my drawer was.  She picked up the scent and I could see she got agitated.  Yay! The hunt was on!

This is where I go back and take the upper drawer out of the cabinet. I set it down and stir it up a bit, with Krispie watching the whole time, and BAM, just like that, there’s the evil critter staring at me. And BAM just like that! My cat snatches her!  Yay!  Good kitty!

Except…. Like all good kitties…. She also likes to play with her dinner. Sigh.

So she LET IT GO!!!

It scurries under our bed and disappears.  Krispie is yowling. I’m crawling around on the floor with a flashlight praying it didn’t go into our box spring.  My husband is barely keeping himself from busting a gut laughing at me….

So what do I do… I start opening his nightstand.  Hubby says, “He couldn’t get in there, its closed up tight. You always had your drawer hanging open.” WHATEVER! We were dealing with Houdini here remember! So I start looking through his drawer and what do I find to my disgusted glee…. Mouse poop! Take that hubby! He violated your drawers too! So I pull out the top drawer… Then pull out the bottom… And again hiding under the drawer was the creepy crawly mouse!

BAM, Krispie strikes, and this time comes up with a winner.  She’s running around the room with it in her mouth.  I’m trying to get her to a least leave our bedroom with it.  And, of course, what does she do?? She lays down…A foot away from it. SIGH!

And yet again…it scurries away.  Into my husbands closet! HAH! Take that you laughing hyena from your bed side perch!  I follow the mouse and my cat in to the closet and close the door.  But not before grabbing an empty cup that I had on the dresser.  Why I grabbed this I will never know… but I’m glad I did.  So here we are in the closet, the mouse is jumping from one shoe to the next (I realize this man of mine has more shoes then I do!! I’ll address that later.). My cat is jumping all over the place.  The mouse is running back and forth scurrying from one hidy hole to the next.  I think it may have run over my foot a few times but I’m trying not to dwell on that idea. I’m stirring up piles of shoes and clothes trying to root out the mouse.  Screaming over and over. “Krispie, GET IT!” I’m still locked in the closet with this wild beast!  I can only imagine what it sounded like to my husband on the outside.  And then suddenly it gets stuck between me and the cat on the floor.  It’s looking back and forth for an exit and that’s when I strike! BAM! Just like that with the cup. I trap him!

WINNER! I caught the mouse! Under a cup!!!  I yell out to my hubby to find a piece of hard paper or cardboard to slip under the cup, and manage to get the nasty rodent to the front door without dropping him, and deposit him outside! YAY!

End Scene.

Krispie missed her dinner but got a bowl of milk as a reward for helping save us from the evil critter. I got to shove all my husbands shoes back in place, in random order of course.  He gets to at least help fix the damage. I go to bed grinning and on a high!  It was a lot of excitement for this housewife.

I caught a mouse in a cup!

Open curtains to this morning:

Krispie has brought me a present.  A dead mouse.

SIGH!

Meet Krispie.  She may have a tendency to drop her dinner but she never gave up. And she gives gifts too.

SIGH! :

After taking my daughter to the potty for what seemed like the umpteenth time today I noticed a little spec of what appeared to be a foreign object in the potty.  Not that I really want to pay that close attention to whats in a potty on a normal basis but, since we are currently up to our eyeballs in potty training, I get excited about dark objects* shadowing the pale porcelain.  Just as I was gearing up to do a potty dance for my daughter I did an all stop chin drop.  To my dismay it was not a natural biological remnant* but….Money! A dime to be more precise.

WTFreak is THAT doing in there?!?

After taking a deep breath, since I knew at that point it was safe to do so without the aid of a haz-mat suit I allowed myself a brief moment of cataloguing all the ways money could end up in my potty.  I’ll even admit to a moment of delusional day dreaming where I imagined that our house was built on a hidden bounty of dimes, nickels, and quarters and they decided to find the quickest way to the earths surface by swelling out of my potty making me rich beyond my wildest dreams. I even pictured an image of taking this particular porcelain font of legal tender with me and installing it into a bathroom the size of my current house, since that’s the treatment it would deserve after flowing forth with its bounty.

But then I looked at my daughter and watched all my wild dreams of swimming in dimes flush right down the pot. Because I knew, standing in front of me, wearing her halo held up by horns, was the culprit. Now the question at hand is how? And let’s also not forget about when? Did she, in a moment of shear glee decide to see what would happen if she tossed it in there??  Did she stick her hand in with it???  Did she then touch anything else????  Did she touch the counters, the chairs, the couch, the tables, the…..????? Did she touch me???????

Gasp!  Urp!  ARRRRRGGGGG!

Did she at least make a wish first?

Another deep breath taken as I gather my wits which were swishing around me like a swirly**.

I’m fairly certain she didn’t produce the coin, ummm, naturally*. She’s never been one for sticking things in her mouth. So I’m thinking that’s one subject I can stop worrying about. Well, at least I’d like to believe it wouldn’t happen. I guess I’ll find out in the next few days if she starts spiting out change for a dollar.

So. Um. Ya. Chalk it up to another mommy milestone as I use our bar-b-cue tongs to fish out the offending change.  All the while EJ, sweet little girl that she is, is laughing her halo right off her pretty head.

Twerp.

Ps.  Please note the below “dictionary of terms”. I realize that most of you were not born in a barn like I was so you may need a guide to decipher some of the more colorful terms I used.

* In other words… Poop!

** The evil act of one arsehole adolescent sticking the head of another arsehole adolescent in the toilet and flushing.

But people please!  If you pick it…don’t flick it!

For those who don’t know what I mean, its where someone is digging for gold nuggets in their nostrils and come up with a gob of fools gold of which isn’t worthy of keeping so they choose to flick it in the general direction of the floor. The same floor that I might have to walk on and the same floor that I probably will drop something on because I have all the grace of a drunken monkey in a vat of whiskey.  And the same floor that my kid might just fall face first on. (Another gene passed on I’m afraid.)

Do I need to go on as to how disgusting that could be?  Because, really I could. I could go on and tell you about all the wonderful viruses that live in the noses of healthy people but spread with mucus and could make someone else very sick. But I shouldn’t have to.  You’re a grown up right? At least the person is who I watched with their finger jammed up to their knuckle who decided to flick their findings on the floor right in front of me.   I know you’re out there.  And in all probability you’re not reading this.  But I hope beyond all hope that your wife is.

Also, after you dig for your gold, hopefully with tissue in hand to contain your finding,  will you please not touch anything else with your contaminated hand?  Because that’s just nasty.  Think about it…..The next time a perfect stranger sneezes in front of you why don’t you just block their snot rockets with your own hand. Then slap yourself with it.

Mmm, K?

Thanks!

Shameless Plug:

If you enjoyed this please click HERE to give Mommy’s Joy some love onTwitter! Or click one of the other lovely links below to ship my words off to the awaiting masses!

One more Shameless Plug:

Please take moment to vote for me and tell me you think I’m a Top Baby Blogger! Just click on the pretty brown link, then click where it says “cast a vote” to have your vote counted.

You can do this once daily if you’re really feeling the love!

*

*

Hugs and Kisses!

see more Epic Fails

Sorry…. this is all I’ve got today! But you still love me right? If so then please show your love and vote for me!  Right sidebar <——— Under “Love My Site? Vote for me!”.  You can click one or you can click on them all because you love me that much.  Or at least like me.  Or take pity on me.  What evs! I’ll take all the votes I can get!

Love to all the smiling people today!

click any of the images to enlarge

And you all thought I was nuts talking about Tornado Baby all that time!

Speed Bump

click any of the images to enlarge

All that’s missing here is the halo that is being held up by the horns.

Daddy’s Home

click any of the images to enlarge

I think I had this same conversation with my husband except he said he wanted to get ME one. Um, good try honey. I’ll remember that next time I want a girls week in Vegas. It’s really a trip for you sweetie pie. You get some great alone time with our manic depressive 2 year old and I get to revolutionize myself.

Arlo & Janis

click any of the images to enlarge

We all know how this feels. You get a great new toy for our kid, or for mommy, and after you’ve bent your scissors, sliced open your hand, and made sure your dentist had enough income that year to retire, you feel like giving up. But then after one more giant tug your manage to give birth to your new toy. It’s scratched up, your hand looks like it met an evil cat, and you’re sweating and swearing like a sailor. Oh sweet victory over the box!

*Thanks to Comics.com for making all these great comic strips available to the public for the world to love!

Shameless Plug:

If you enjoyed this please click HERE to give Mommy’s Joy some love onTwitter! Or click one of the other lovely links below to ship my words off to the awaiting masses!

One more Shameless Plug:

Please take moment to vote for me and tell me you think I’m a Top Mommy Blogger! Just click on the pretty link to have your vote counted.

You can do this once daily if you’re really feeling the love!

*

*

Hugs and Kisses!

This website, and my sense of humor that you’ve gotten to know in it, is an extension of me.  It’s how I look at daily life. I have live a life like everyone else. Full of stress and unhappy moments that I could dwell on and, if I let them, could suck me down into a pit of despair.  But I try to find the humor in things.  Even the smallest things I can find some sort of snort-able character in.  My dad taught me this and I’ll never be more grateful for adopting another personality trait from a parent. And while this ability to find humor in all circumstances can get me in trouble at times, like laughing at funerals, I’ll stick to my guns that it’s the best way to view the world!  Sometimes I’ve been criticized for wearing rose colored glasses.  Well, to that I’ve always said its better to own a pair of rose colored sun glasses, and to know when to wear them, then to own a black umbrella to hide from that rain cloud that follows others around all day. I recommend that everyone should get a pair.

So, with out further blah, blah, blah… I had to pick three things off the top of my head… And that’s a hard thing to do with my sunny outlook… To ONLY pick three…

Obviously my darling daughter!
Everyday she makes me laugh. Even on the hardest of days she can do something silly or sweet that will make that hard outer crust I’ve worn all day crack. Some days she is the only reason I would get out bed. I lay there wondering what it would be like to just stay all warm and tucked in and not face the day and then she starts chattering and playing in her crib. I can hear her talking to herself in her nonsense vocabulary only understanding a word now and then. She will say Mommy or Dada and then “talk” to us for a while. In pretend conversations I imagine. Then during the day, usually when I’m upset she will come running up to me and wrap her little twig arms around my legs and squeeze. She’s so little but can squeeze so tight that she just squeezes the bad feelings right out. While I’d love to say that everyone needs one of these little creatures I would be lying, because I still feel that parents should be screened before being allowed to procreate, but maybe those who are having bad days could just borrow one of these wonder squeezers once in a while.

Thank Goddess for tennis balls!
If it wasn’t for these little fuzzy yellow balls I think I would be a homicidal maniac by now. With all the stresses of daily life, from the economy to finding time to go by bread, it’s nice to be able to go out and smack the crap out of a cute little fuzzy yellow tennis ball. (Ha! Aggressive much?) I love to be able to knock the cute right off that stinkin’ ball. Whacking it so hard the fuzz on the ball shears off and flies through the air. I love to smack it so hard it hits the fence on the other side of the court, sometimes sticking in between the chain links. And I love the feeling of release when I do that. Unfortunately this release of tension isn’t so great for playing actual tennis games because most of the time these fuzzy yellow balls, when hit with such force, won’t behave and land inside the lines, but sometimes we just need to hit outside the lines to feel better. I recommend it to all!

My cat.
She purrs. She snuggles. She demands attention. She gets annoyed when that attention is ignored. She ignores. She gets irritated. She finds happiness in puddles of sunshine on the floor. She makes me smile because she’s the furry four legged version of me.

Shameless Plug:

Please check out my Boogie Wipes Review and Giveaway! Winner receives 3-30 count packages of the best stuff since sliced bread!! Hurry! Giveaway is ending soon!!!!

*

One more Shameless Plug:

Please take moment to vote for me and tell me you think I’m a top mommy blogger! Now THAT would really be the icing on the cake!All you need to do is click the <–-sparkly buttonand then click the option to enter that says I did not trick you into visiting that site. Because I would never do that! And then BAM, your vote will be counted! Thank you!

Love and Kisses!

click any of the images to enlarge

Hay! I AM that neighbor! Back off the flamingo man!

Speed Bump

click any of the images to enlarge

I can’t help it! I love the look on the little boys face!

Speed Bump

click any of the images to enlarge

Confusious says, “Don’t run from the pink elephants or they will always catch you with your head in the toilet”

Dog eat Doug

click any of the images to enlarge

I KNOW THAT LOOK! Its the one that is slowly draining me of my will power. “Must resist baby! Must resist! She does not really NEED that adorable little bear that I know she will just LUV!” Damn it!

B.C.

click any of the images to enlarge

Anyone else going to miss the Olympics? I think I’m an Olympicaholic.

HaPPy WeeKEnD EvERyONe!

*Thanks to Comics.com for making all these great comic strips available to the public for the world to love!

Shameless Plug:

Please check out my Boogie Wipes Review and Giveaway! Winner receives 3-30 count packages of the best stuff since sliced bread!!

*

One more Shameless Plug:

Please take moment to vote for me and tell me you think I’m a top mommy blogger! Now THAT would really be the icing on the cake!All you need to do is click the <–-sparkly buttonand then click the option to enter that says I did not trick you into visiting that site. Because I would never do that! And then BAM, your vote will be counted! Thank you!

Love and Kisses!

click any of the images to enlarge

Does anyone know if Death’s user name is @death or could it be something else? I’d really like to follow him just to see when I need to go buy a new funeral dress.

Dog eat Doug

click any of the images to enlarge

Better than finding my used kleenex balls in the frying pan. Sadly they’ve replaced the rubber ducky she kept hidden in there. I can’t tell you how much I preferred to find that cute slightly soap scummy rubber ducky from the tub smiling up at me when I took the lid off a pan in my cabinet then my snotty kleenex balls that EJ finds so fascinating to steal out of the trash.  Ewww!

Dog eat Doug

click any of the images to enlarge

“Wisdom Nugget”? I’ll have to use that one. Oh great! Now I’m “learning things” from cartoon dogs. Has my brain melted that much from having a child?

Kit ‘N’ Carlyle

click any of the images to enlarge

This just tickled my funny bone… In that gag me cute kind of way.

Speed Bump

click any of the images to enlarge

Snort!

Shameless Plug:

If you enjoyed this please click HERE to give Mommy’s Joy some love onTwitter! Or click one of the other lovely links below to ship my words off to the awaiting masses!

HaPPy WeeKEnD EvERyONe!

*Thanks to Comics.com for making all these great comic strips available to the public for the world to love!*

But now she has started to call my husband by his first name. I haven’t heard her utter the words Dada alone in a couple weeks. She will say Dada a couple times then she will say his first name. “Dada! Dada! Shaa? Shaa?” And please note my use in punctuation (exclamation points and questions marks) because she will first scream “Dada” and then start asking for “Shaa” with the cutest change in tone. But then she will keep asking for “Shaa” “Shaa” “Shaa” over and over until his attention is fully focused on her. It hilarious to hear her scream his first name over and over when he comes into the room. Or my top favorite “Hi Shaa”. Can you tell she’s daddy’s little girl? The only time she says, Mama with a sweet little voice, is when I’m mad at her and she’s sucking up. Yes, my quirky little she devil does that too. When she see’s I’m getting mad or starting to lose my cool she will walk up to me and hug my legs. Or if I’m sitting she will crawl up on my lap and give me a big hug. She knows this will melt me.

Stinker.

She really is great with first names too. One of her first words was her aunts name whom in think she thinks of as her second MaMa since she’s around so much. But to hear her call her dad by his first name really solidifies the fact that my quirky baaayy-bee is growing up and turning into a snotty teenager right before my very eyes! Next thing I know she will be sneaking out of her room to meet up with some snotty boy named Snot! Arrg! Why have all my recent posts about my daughter ended with a minor freak out about my daughter growing up!!!! That’s it! Time to have another just so I have a wee little one that will still call me Mama because next thing you know EJ will be calling me “(sigh) Mooomm” and rolling her eyes at me! Oh! Wait! There are already times she calls me Mom. “Mama. Mama. Mom!!! Mom!!!” (Please note my punctuation again, as if she is already blaming me for losing her car keys.) (Sigh)

Shameless Plug:

If you enjoyed this please click HERE to give Mommy’s Joy some love onTwitter! Or click one of the other lovely links below to ship my words off to the awaiting masses!

Stay tuned next week for a really cool giveaway I’ll be hosting!