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Random Stream Of Crazy

It seems like all of my posts these days start with…. “I know I’ve haven’t been writing much”…..  And its true. As any parent who has ever had to deal with a screaming, bitchy, moody, overly dramatic, loony toon called a 2 year old daughter you will understand why I haven’t been able to commit as much time to tapping out a few words.  And it’s not just the tap, tap, tapping that takes time, it’s the E-D-I-T-I-N-G that I always have to do before I hit that scary “Publish” button.  Because if I didn’t edit my work with the scrutiny of a mean 6th grade English teacher, then you would all realize how illiterate… um…freakishly spastic… my writing can be when it’s first spilled out onto my keyboard.  Trust me, what comes out of my head, in it’s rawest form, is NOT something anyone wants to witness.  I won’t even let my husband read my thoughts until they’ve been edited through my mental filter.  Mostly because of the random curses I tap out in his direction while I’m working and he’s interrupting and the fact that without the delete key he would probably leave my creative writing ass as the curb.  Yes, you might just say, I am having an affair with my delete key, and its good for my marriage.  Then there is the moments of crazy talk where I start dreaming about desires to duct tape my child to the wall as a baby sitter with a gerbil feeder dangling in front of her, (which I would never do…stop dialing your phones and call off the authorities… gees people… can’t you take a joke?) only so I can get something done.

***deep breath***

I really have no idea where this post is going.  It’s actually rather similar to my daily life…wake up…start randomly walking from room to room in a frantic pace trying to grasp onto a clear thought of what I need to be doing.  Meanwhile my 2 year old is screaming her desire to be independent at the top of her lungs at the same time she’s whining because I won’t “gimme” “want” “peese” “NO!” help her with EVERYTHING and then go wipe her butt.

***another deep breath***

On a side note since I’m in a mood to bash my family a little.  Do you know how weird it is to watch a grown man meticulously fold up a fruit roll up and stuff it in his cheek like a squirrel or a tobacco chewing redneck on a heath kick. My husband does this and since it’s such a peculiar thing to do I politely asked him one day “what the hell are you doing” “darling what are you doing stuffing the whole fruit roll up in your cheek like a squirrel?”  His reply, so innocently and as if it’s not the craziest thing I’ve seen him do so far in our almost 5 years of marriage, “It lasts longer and I can take little nibbles off it”.

Nibbles? He nibbles?  If I see his pinky pop up when he drinks his next cup of coffee I’m turning him over to the squirrels that torture my dogs to see if they can fix him.


Who does that?

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