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Basking In The Memory Of A Star

When I was in high school I had a friend. I had a lot of friends but this one…she was special. I’ve never had another girlfriend in my life like her. I’ve never been close to another friend like I was with her. I’ve had lots of friends in the past and have lots of friends now, but none who knew my soul. If its possible to have a soul sister she was the one. She could almost read my mind and I could read hers. We were inseparable. She was the ying to my yang. She was the crazy to my sedate. She was the free bird to my cage.

She brought me out of my shell and taught me how to live life to its fullest. She would tell me “just go with the flow boo boo.” when I would start worrying about silly things. And to this day I still say that to myself when I get too stressed out about things. She was a walking mellow mood. Nothing would get to her and make her unhappy. At least on the outside she was always shining.

On the inside she was a confused little girl. Trapped in her own life. From growing up under hostel circumstances. Surviving in house that was not a home with people who would rather use her then love her, her star still shined bright. From being battered by life and those who would take advantage of her giving she was still brighter then a thousand suns. She was her own universe with her own gravitational pull. She could draw you in with her smile and her generous heart. But like all other worldly suns her light, sadly, tragically, eventually burned out.

Her trusting soul, begging for love in too many dangerous places caught up to her. She was strong and powerful on the outside but at her core she was unstable and slowly drained of energy. Until one day her life and shine was extinguished in one quick explosion that has continued to rock the cores of so many souls who loved her and orbited around her.

Many of us, like kids often do when growing up, drifted away. Choosing a life less dramatic but always still there, close enough to feel her heat if she allowed us. But she never took advantage of the safety that we offered her. And too many of us never took her by the hand and tugged her in the right direction.

In hindsight could we have saved her from herself? I doubt it. I believe that some people are meant to only be a physical part of our world for the time it takes to make their impact and teach those who need teaching. Will I always wonder if I could have done more? Yes. Will I always regret not doing more? Yes. Will I let it eat me up inside? No. Because there will always be her beautiful voice in my head telling me to “Go with the flow boo boo.”

She was a bright shiny star that burned brightly for everyone to share. She allowed us to see the beauty of our surroundings. To open our hearts and take notice of the little things that matter. To open our arms and embrace life at its fullest. Her light is now dark but the memory of it and the warmth she shared with the world will linger forever.

This morning I talked to another old friend I grew up with. Like many of us over the years he had some questions about the questionable death of a person who was very dear to all of us all. She touched his soul too.

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