When Does Humor Become A Burden?
Sometimes I feel like I should be more open on this website. Â While posting all sorts of wonderful pictures of my daughter, cartoons, and the occasional long post where I ramble on about this or that is fine but am I truly opening up to you all? Am I truly letting you know what goes on in my head everyday? Would you be too offended to return if I did? Â I feel like I promote myself as a happy go lucky mom with typical almost 2 year old challenges and a hubby that never gets under my skin and a life that never makes me weep. Â And that’s true to some extend, because I make it true.
But then there are the other days. Â The ones where I’m lucky if I feel brave enough to get out of bed. The days where I feel like if I look at my daughter or my husband I’m going to scream. The days where I feel like I could just go completely insane. Â Days where I’m bored out of my mind with my life wondering where mine went. Â Days where I wake up wishing I had somewhere to go something to do and someone else besides a kid to do it with. Â Those are the days where I make up something I need to do. Â An errand I need to run just to escape the entrapment I feel in my own home. Â When does a home become a prison? When does my own sense of humor and use of it as a denial tactic become more than just a way to deal with my life and becomes more of burden? Â I’ve found that here, that’s for sure. Â I use my humor as a way to hide what is really going on in my head sometimes.
Don’t get me wrong. I loves me some funny! Â I wouldn’t promote the funny if I didn’t. Â I love giving the world and what few readers I have a snicker for the day. Â There’s a pride in that that I will never get tired of and will never stop doing. Â If making one person snort coffee out their nose is all I get to accomplish when I wake up then I’ve done my job. Â But that doesn’t mean that I’ve let out the primal scream that I feel welling in my heart. It’s still there ready to swallow me. But how do I do that without turning this website into something it’s not? Â A place where I complain about rather then celebrate my day to day life. Â Where do I, the mom who blogs, vent? Where do you let it all hang out? Sure I can go knock the fuzz of a tennis ball to let off some steam. Â Or I can make a few snarky comments on Twitter about the irritating things people do. Â But lets face it 140 characters do not a true bitch session make. I know, I know… get a friend. That’s what my husband would tell me. Â And I have friends. Â With their own problems and own complications of which I choose not to complicate further. And again, when I’m sitting in front of someone I’d much rather make them smile and laugh then frown and look unhappy because I’m unloading all my shadows.
So back to my original question, should I truly open up to you, my bloggy friends? Â Mythical unicorns whom I trust are out there but I can never see? Do I take the humor down a notch and bring up the reality? I’m seeing some changes happeing but I’m not sure what they are yet. Â I’m not sure how much to unveil myself or how much you want to see. I guess, as all things do, time will tell me where that fine line is between sharing and dumping. And I guess all I can hope for is that you all hang on because it might be a bumpy ride.
For now though lets keep some of the funny shall we? Â In all my ponderings I promise I’ll never take that away from you. Â How else would I stay Mommy’s Joy? Joy is happy! Even when she’ in a funk.
I’ll find my way… Until then… lets all just eat some cake…