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How To Make A Redneck Baby Cage…Ahem…Crib

One of the problems I had to solve before we could go on our little redneck adventure is how to create a bed for our little junior redneck.  First, and the easiest, was how to keep EJ’s OOPS’s off the mattress.  But of course I couldn’t just go out and buy a mattress pad that would fit.  I had to get creative…but how?  Second, we needed to find a way to keep extra light out.  When daylight starts to rear it’s ugly head its like someone amplified the sun in our little camper, and unless you have a mask or sleep with a pillow over your head like I do, it’s almost impossible to avoid waking up at the butt crack of dawn.  And I have a wonder child that likes to sleep late and I’m not giving that up for any camping trip.  The last and most important thing was we needed it to be safe.  A little redneck we may be but we aren’t stupid. EJ isn’t the most graceful child and is tempted by electronics and other shiny things so we needed to have a rail high enough for her to not be able to crawl over when she started eyeballing our phones in the chargers and other objects of complete baby crackatude. After many weeks of thought, redneck ingenuity, and a little duct tape we had our answer.


1. To protect the camper from unwanted odors cut up extra large lawn trash bag and place between baby and the mattress.  Just like the rotting grass smell that can’t crawl through those industrial sized trash bags, neither can baby stank.

2.  To protect the precious sleeping patterns of our daughter, and our sanity, cut, duct tape, and zip tie cardboard boxes to side windows. Then place large dark sheet over the entire end of the camper.  (After seeing my invention, hubby put in a request for me to doctor up our own end of the camper.  So I found a few more boxes and went to town on our side.   Voila! We all slept like redneck babies.)

3.  To protect the most important thing of all, our little redneck I bought an extra long, extra tall bed rail.  It was tall enough that EJ couldn’t hook her leg over it.  To accommodate for the extra space hubby built an extra length of “bed rail” out of ply wood.  Then I came along and padded it with rolled up paper towels and duct tape. (White duct tape because we are stylin’ rednecks…and it was cheaper than the silver stuff.)  And with one more application of the tape, looping it to the real bed rail, we had ourselves a baby cage.  I’m mean crib.

EJ really loved the accommodations. The camper mattress is a lot squishier then her crib’s and she found she loved to fall face first onto it.  She also loved to stand up board stiff and let us just push her over backwards.  She’s the only being on earth that doesn’t fear falling backwards like that.  I’d FREAK!  She would just giggle and giggle.  Many times after I would put her to bed she would stay awake for a while standing up and falling over.  I would sit outside and watch that end of the camper bounce up and down and I would hear these huge “thunk” sounds.  Then giggles.  I guess I should just go ahead and call her my redneck daredevil. Can’t wait till next year.  *rolling eyes* I might have to incorporate duct taping her INTO the cage/crib to keep her in one piece.

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