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Top 10 Rules For Camp Ben

You know when you go camping anywhere in America each camp ground has it’s own set of rules that they hold dear. And as a good little camper and a good American you want to respect and follow those rules.  Even Camp Ben has a few Rules that are VERY important for the health, safety and fun of all the campers.

Here we go.  The top 10 rules you muct follow when attending Camp Ben*.

10.  Make sure you place the really toxic gallon jug of pre-mixed but not iced (therefore not watered down slightly) purple hooters on the top of your cooler before you go to bed.  That way when your neighboring teenager, aka. beer thief, sneaks in they will think they hit the mother load. And then the mother load will hit them about 30 minutes later.

9. Always be armed with weapons against dive bombing June bugs.  I have found a nice solid paper plate works well for swatting at those little bastards. However, in recent years we have also invested in a handheld device that fries bugs on contact.  Sizzle, sizzle, sizzle. Oh, yaaaa!

8. Walking to your neighbors camp is just not done. The proper way to approach another camp site is by piling into the back of a truck with coolers and lawn chairs. Much better than dragging them over that long 50 yards.  And be sure to hang on tight… see Rule number 7.

7.  When driving a truck load of drunken idiots to the next camp site for visitin’ be sure to slam on your breaks a few time yelling “squirrel” or “coon”.   Also, you get bonus points for going air born over any speed bumps that might cross your path.

6. When visitin’ another camp site always make sure you bring an extra beer to share so as to not seem selfish. Selfish people wake up naked duct taped to lawn chairs in the middle of the camp grounds.

5.  Watch out for drunken red-neck golf cart jockeys.

4.  If you do something entirely too offensive in the shared camp port-o-pot be sure to follow your friend to the potty and block the door from them making a quick exit.  Makes for a nice story later.

3.  And be sure to pick a victim every year for a port-o-rockin’ !!! Possibly the same person who you tortured in Rule number 4.

2.  When filling water balloons for the big water balloon fight it is every Camp Ben-ners sworn duty to rocket launch a few over the fence at the snots from the banquet hall. Cuz they’re snots.

1.  And the number 1 rule to follow, (And this is personally my favorite rule that I give you out of the kindness of my heart) do not wear black thong underwear under light khaki shorts in a water fight. This one is a very bad idea unless you would like to forever carry the nick name “Thong Girl” and have it hollered out to you loudly every time you ride up in the back of a truck for visitin’.  However, if you do gain the honor of this nick name know that you can also by-pass rule number 6, cuz there will always be a beer waiting for “Thong Girl”.

*I never said they weren’t bubba’s rules.

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