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Today I Cried Rivers

Today I cried rivers. It started out as any other day but ended in sorrow, with circumstances that have flown beyond my control.  Today I cried rivers because a person dear to me had their feelings hurt and I’ve been caught in the whirlwind of misunderstanding and guilt by association. Truly, I can’t even claim association, more luck of the draw.  Unlucky me.  I spoke two little words in the middle of many evil ones that have been taken to mean way too much.  But because of the bitter bile that was spilling they got caught in the nasty web. Now my friend believes that I agree and that I see her with such unkind cruel eyes.  But that’s not the truth and there are two sides to every coin. My voice got lost in the bitter wind.

Today I cried rivers because my friend is hurting and I couldn’t stop it.  In my belief something has been bothering her which has been become more and more obvious to me in social settings. Instead of allowing my own feelings to get hurt I was planning on coming to her with open arms and heart.  Today was the day. I was looking forward to this afternoon, because after we had a couple drinks to ease the flow of words I was going to ask her to talk.  I wanted to be her friend and ask her how I could help, if I could help, can I just listen? But I never got that chance because a bomb went off.  For whatever reason fate dealt some nasty cards and took the planned situation away. And now my friend thinks I’m am no friend of hers.  She will never know the degree of anger I felt towards the evil voice for saying the things that were said and she will never believe that I came to her defense.  She never saw how I made the person who hurt her cry rivers too.

Today I cried rivers because in my heart of hearts I could never think that way about my friend. I’ve had nothing but genuine respect and joy for our relationship that started what feels like many many years ago but has only been several.  We’ve grown together and bettered ourselves together.  We’ve laughed together and smiled together.  I don’t make friends easily because I’m hard to understand but she understood me.  How could I ever think evil thoughts about my friend?  It’s simply not possible.  And I know she’s hurting right now too because she’s wondering how it’s possible. I promise you, it’s not possible. My concience is clear although I am filled with sorrow.

Today I feel like I lost my friend.  Today my heart is breaking.  Today I cried rivers.

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