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This Week On Momversation: Should We Judge Nadya Suleman aka “Octo-Mom”?

So today I’m going to cover a sticky topic.  “Octo-mom” .  The ladies of Momversation had a lot of interesting things to say about this.  Thanks to Heather Armstrong from Dooce for bringing it up because I think the country REALLY needed to talk about it.  We are busting at the seams to voice opinions.  Most of those PUBLIC opinions are of the “Octo-mom” bashing variety.  “Is she nuts?” “She should have her kids taken away.” “The doctor who preformed the IVF treatments on her should have his license taken away.”  All sorts of goodies like that.  But PRIVATELY I think many of us are thinking some different more open minded thoughts and aren’t ready to light the torches and throw rotten tomatoes at her.  

First check out this weeks Momversation.  Then I’ll share my opinions on this heavy topic.

This weeks panelists: Heather Armstrong from Dooce; Rebecca Woolf from Girls Gone Child; Karen Walrond from

 All the panelist brought up some really valid opinions on this topic.  One of my favorites given by Heather was what would the other families out with triplets and more from IVF have to say about this?  They are the ones living this life and they are the only ones who are really qualified to give their opinions without shame in public.   Last night I was reading some of the comments on Dooce and decided to voice my own ideas.  Here is my comment on that.

I live in a city that has been following the news story of parents that just had quints.  The proud parents of the 5 babies are acquaintances of my husband’s.  They already had one daughter because of the blessings of modern science and now they have 5 more.  Do they plan on having more?  Absolutely not.  Are they scared out of their minds?  You’d better believe it!  They are the kind of couple that people question all the time in these kind of debates.  They had a successful birth of one daughter and decided to try for another baby and got 5.  Did they start out with a plan to try to have 5 kids?  Um, no!  When faced with the tough choices, they weren’t able to make the decision to let one go for the sake of the others.  To them these 5 babies were a blessing from God and to ask them to decide what to do was a decision they couldn’t make.  Now they are the proud parents of 6 children.  Would they do it again hoping for the same results?  Nope.  But will they forever be happy with what they have?  Yes! 
I know talking about a family of 6 Vs. a family of 14 to a single parent is a jump but in some ways they were in the same boat.  I can’t judge anyone’s decision on how and how many children to bring into this world.   And if you’re going to go down the road of letting science help you along who are we to judge a parent’s desire to see all their children survive?  Would I take the risk of having multiples to be able to have just one more baby?  I would in a heart beat.   Would I be able to deny life to one of my unborn children???  I can’t answer that.  Can you?

While Nadya’s choices have put her in a position to be ridiculed does this mean her kids have to suffer too?  Too many times we support those who make mistakes and stupid choices.  For example free clinics for HIV and AIDS victims.  While not all HIV/AIDS victims are at fault for their disease a lot are.  They could have put that condom on or not used that dirty needle.  But we still help and support the clinics with tax payer’s money and barely bat an eyelash at it.  We grumble as we write our checks but we don’t throw rocks at the doors of the clinics.  We, as a country, need to remember that while her choices for having so many kids that are going to need to be supported by our taxes suck, there are still 14 kids out there that need to live their lives.  I think we all need to just move on to another subject and butt out of her private life.  Even if she’s the one wanting the publicity, for her kids sake, we should just all back off and let them live in peace.
I’m also acquainted with a couple that had triplets due to IVF.  They had one shot at pregnancy due to endometriosis.  They were the happiest couple on earth when they found out that their one chance to have one baby turned into a family of 5.  Mistake with the modern medicine?  You decide. 

So that’s what I wrote last night, and of course I was up all night thinking about it, and I’ve had some more thoughts on this subject.  Shocker right?  I won’t bore you with the long string of things that float through my head at night but I  will share these.  I want to say thanks again to the Momversation panelists who brought up this important topic because along with “Octo-mom’s” story there is another one brewing underneath.  Reproductive rights.  I’m sure she wasn’t thinking about this when she went in for treatments so it’s kinda hard to bash her for it but she has put a pretty nasty light on the practices of IVF and assisted pregnancies.   Which will now give  lawmakers another reason to poke into women’s reproductive health.  Oh, goodie! For that one I think I’d like to toss a nice big juicy tomato at you Nadya.  So boo to you for that one my dear, however I’m sure you didn’t mean it.  

My last thought is, now that these children are here, because they are so deal with it,  and now that “Octo-mom” has made a name for herself she’s going to have money rolling in from the media and book deals or whatnot.  I don’t think she went in for IVF so she could have 8 babies so she could make national headlines and make some money from her story.  But I do think it probably crossed her mind once she found out she was having this 8-pack.  She may have just found her way to support all these kids.   I’ve never doubted that she has enough love to give her HUGE family and now she may just have enough money too.  Will she pay the tax-payers back for all the medical expenses?  No.   Could it be possible for her to survive and give her kids great lives in a loving environment?  I do believe so.

And for all those out there that still can’t open your hearts and minds up don’t worry, I’m sure Child Protective Services will be watching her like a hawk since they are in the limelight on this one too.  But my bets are on Nadya. She may just be smarter then we take her to be.  We shall see…

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