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Another Momversation: Child-free By Choice

Sorry to hit ya’ll with back to back Momversations but this one I couldn’t resist sharing since I have an opinion.  And you know what they say about opinions?  Everyone has one but those who blog get to shove it in your brains first!

Today’s topic about being child free by choice was interesting to me since I used to be of a like mind, although not so cynical.  I didn’t feel that I should get maternity leave like my co-worker or I should be receiving tax breaks since I was raising a dog and not a baby.  But I did feel like I was not one of those that was supposed to reproduce.  Not only was I bad with babies (I made them all cry without fail) I wasn’t that interested in giving up my lifestyle.  Whether it was going out balls to the wall at a nightclub or staying home and holding down my couch, my life was just too interesting for a baby to complicate things. I was the queen of birth control! And then one day the bottom fell out of my world and I gave up the fight. I had no choice.  Check out the Momversation and then I’ll tell you what happened to make my life and mind change so drastically. 

This episode’s panelists are: Heather Armstrong from Dooce; Dana Loesch from Mamalogues; and Rebecca Woolf from Girls Gone Child.

Ok, the rest of my story.  

I was living the child free by choice lifestyle up until the magical day when my body and brain rebelled.  I was that care free person choosing to work at a restaurant because the hours fit my world better vs. the consistent paycheck of a career that I could have killed myself in school for.  I didn’t have kids to support so why not!  Then one day when I was 29 I met my now husband.  Before he came along, and even after we had been dating for a long time, I still felt strong in my convictions about not wanting kids.  The most annoying thing I experienced, other than my mom and dad bugging me about it, was when other parents would almost force their kids on me to “show me how great they are”.  HELLO!!  Instant birth control!!

But then one day something happened to me.  I’ve never been able to explain it.  When you’re a young girl, at least from what I’ve read, when your in your late teens and early 20’s is when this biological urge kicks in and your body starts telling you that you must reproduce.  (Picture a zombi walking around, arms thrust forward, repeating over and over “must spawn”.) Well, I never had that urge.  There were actually times that I thought my biological clock was broken.  But I didn’t mind since I had made that choice that I would never have children.  Then one day I woke up and the idea didn’t seem as foreign to me.  Next thing I know I’m talking to my now husband about it.  Of course he thought I was nuts going back and forth on my feelings but luckily he would have married me either way, child bearing or childless.  But my biological clock had become IMPOSSIBLE to ignore!  It was like a time bomb went off in my head.  I HAD to have a baby!!!  So we did.  Just like that.  Blink, blink, baby!  And after the first initial poopy diaper in the hospital with my mom telling me how to change it, I now feel that my life is complete.  Well, until that urge hits me again.  Damn, babies are just too cute when they are squishy.

While I respect the childless by choice people for their right to not change dirty diapers, you can’t fight biology.  For as much as my brain told me not to my body refused to listen.  If you are able to fight the urges off and your intentions and attitudes towards the child bearing are respectful, good for you and I respect your decision, but if you think that my choice to have a child is a drain on society then I might just have to say that maybe the world is better off without your cynical genes in it.

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